Hate Doesn't Cut It

Yesterday Grace was having a bad morning. Jacob was clearly getting sick and tired of it and he yelled at her "I hate when you do this Grace. I hate you." I smacked his face, to which her replied "I hate you too." I sat across from him and told him I knew he loved me, he may not have liked me, but I knew he loved me. He had tears in his eyes (he knew he hurt me), but he remained adamant. So I told him when he got home from school he had to write a love note to Grace and me. When he got off the bus, I reminded him that he needed to write the love notes. He came in the house and I stayed outside while Jadyn, Grace and Grant played. A little while later I came in and he was sitting on the couch, watching tv. This earned him a spanking. I hate spankings and I certainly hate giving one to him at this age, but that was complete flagrant disobedience. He went and got his notebook to start writing and I reminded him that he was to write a note to each of us, telling us why he loved us. He wrote 3/4 of a page, telling what you should do to be nice. I explained to him that this was not what he was supposed to do and he needed to do what I asked him. This brought on a flood of tears and sassiness. I explained that he would be outside playing right then, IF he had done what I asked, when I asked. Everything you do has a consequence - good or bad - everything has a consequence. Then it was time to go to his basketball game. He listened so well at the game to his coach and his dad, that after the game I was walking up to him to let him know that I was so proud of the way he was listening. Once I got to him, I heard the coach asking the boys to get their water bottles. I told Jacob to go pick his bottle up - once - twice - a third time and he finally responded to me, saying very snottily "Dad is getting it." Well, there went the good that I was going to speak of. He got in the van and we had the discussion. I told him that I wanted to tell him how proud I was of his listening and then how disappointed I was of his behavior at the end. As we were driving home, he mentioned that he would have 2 hours to play before bedtime. I reminded him that he COULD HAVE had that time to play, but he chose not to do what he was supposed to do when he got home from school. He would spend that time writing the love notes to Grace and I. Again - the consequence.