Friday, September 23, 2011

The devil's Lies

I have come to the conclusion that the devil is trying to take one of the ONLY good things about me and make me believe that it is bad. Let me explain.....

1. Friend's mom's house - As I told you earlier, my friend's mom just passed away. On the heels of that I was thinking about the house. You already know the story.....but you also know that ALL my thoughts were not about myself only. I was thinking about how it would be mutually beneficial to both of us. But my thoughts are hovering around the part where it is only about me. I believe the devil is trying to make me feel bad about this - the old guilt thing - when it really is not something to feel bad about.

2. Aunt's coffee cups - I have an issue with pretty coffee cups. You know the kind....they are china looking, usually have a flower or something on them and feel very delicate. Experience has proven that coffee ALWAYS tastes better in a pretty cup. So, every time I pass an "antique" or "collectible" place, I think about the cups. Yesterday, I drove past a place and was thinking about cups. And, for whatever reason, my thoughts drifted to an aunt of mine that has no daughters. I thought "Who will take care of her when she gets old? Who will take care of her stuff when know.....?" Then my mind instantly went to the coffee cups. She has coffee cups. Oh my gosh! I hated every part of myself at that moment. How could I go from concern about someone I love to utter selfish thinking. This is where I think the devil was trying to get me again. He wants me to think that the real reason I was thinking about caring for my aunt was to get the freaking cups. Holy cow! I am so ticked! I would never want to get something (besides things are just that - things) because someone died.

3. Lady in Bed, Bath and Beyond - Wednesday I was in BBB to get a gift. I was waiting at customer service to get the registry printed off, and there was an older lady in front of me speaking with the service representative. I listened to the conversation and, honestly, was getting irritated because I had somewhere to be, like 10 minutes ago. But I did my best to at least look patient on the outside. After a few minutes of them going back and forth about these chair covers - sold as a set of 2, but one was broken - and neither one of them getting what the other was saying, I stepped forward. I explained to the service rep that the covers were sold in a set of 2 (she did not know that despite the fact that she was holding the package in her hand) and then I explained to the lady that when she returned the broken one, she had to return both because they were sold in a set. That was what she thought, but the service rep kept telling her to "bring in the broken one and she could exchange it". Afterwards, the lady thanked me and then explained why she was so frazzled. She had just lost her husband and had lost 2 kids before that. And then she said she was [waved her hand back and forth by her head]....which I took to mean either just frazzled or literally losing her mind via Alzheimer's. Whatever the case, I just wrapped my arms around her and gave her a hug. She was so thankful. It was a very sweet moment. Then I was wondering should she be driving? Will she get home safe? Does she have anyone to take care of her? Later in the day, I thought I would go back and take one of my business cards and leave it with the chairs covers she was going to come back for. In case she needed talk, or help or whatever. But then came the thoughts just want her to know who you are. You just want to have attention drawn to yourself. AUGH! No - that is not it.

So, you see, I have really been having issues with this. Lord Jesus, I pray right now, in Your Holy Name, that You would forgive me for buying into the lies of the devil. I pray that EVERY thought I have would be taken captive by You. That my thoughts would be pure, honest, and glorifying to you. Lord, help me not to be deceived by the deceiver, but to hold to what I know is truth. I am created in Your image and I belong to You alone. You are my Light, my Refuge, my Strong Tower, my Savior, my Friend, my Protector, my EVERYTHING. Please, Lord Jesus, help me overcome the lies of the devil. Help me to use the gifts and talents You have given me to bring You glory all the days of my life. Thank You, LORD! Amen.

Tuesday, September 20, 2011

Grace's Deep Thoughts

Last night Grace had a breakdown and Greg had to handle it, as I was out. She was upset about getting old. I wondered if it was because I was a a memorial service for a friend's mom. This morning I asked her about it, but she was adamant about not wanting to talk to me about it. Finally, tonight, as I was putting the girls to bed, she told me she was ready to tell me. She is really scared about getting old. She does not want to be away from her family. She was telling me that next year (and she even explained to me that she knew a year was a long time) Jacob would be onto to a new school and it would just be her and Jadyn at the school and she would be the oldest from our family. Then she would leave and it would just be Jadyn and Grant. Bless her sweet big sister's heart - she did not want to leave her younger siblings behind. She continued telling me that she would grow up and Jacob, Jadyn and Grant would all be somewhere else and she would not be with Dad and me and she would just be all alone. I tried explaining to her that, most likely, she would not be alone. She would have friends, a boyfriend (heaven help me) and eventually she would probably get married. She really would not be alone. I also reminded her that even when there really is no one around her and she is all alone, she really is not. God never leaves us or forsakes us. He who watches over us never sleeps or slumbers. So anytime she feels nervous or anxious about being alone, certainly she can always talk to me and I want her to, but she should know that God loves her more than anything and He will always be there.

After this, our conversation turned to school. She reminded me of when I had told her that someday they would hear things at school that are not the complete truth. And then she told me that she heard something today that she knew was not the truth. Her teacher was talking to them about how bridges and roads are man-made things and that things like lakes and mountains are made by nature. "Well, I know that that is a lie because God made those things, not nature." So then I had to discuss how God is the Creator of all nature....nature does not create itself, but nature does exist and things like lakes and mountains are natural things that are created by God.

My sweet Grace is so amazing. The things that her mind thinks of simply astound me. She is so young to have such deep, serious thoughts. I am so thrilled, though, to see God's truth being hid in her heart. I am so thankful that she is aware of and paying attention to things that don't sound right. I am so thankful that she is thinking for herself instead of just following around behind whoever seems to be out in front. Thank you Lord, for Grace's heart, soul and mind. I pray that You would use the gifts You have given her for Your Glory! Praise Your Holy Name!

Oh Geez....

Guess what? I am struggling again. I am struggling with hypocrisy - my own. I want to "be in the light, as he is in the light", so that whatever is sinful can be exposed. This current battle is over...well I am not sure how to put it. I want a house. My own house. I think what I really want is to feel settled, even if that is a false sense of settlement. I come across ideas and think that THIS would be really good for me. And then, oh my arrogance, I try to convince God that this is what is best. I am so ashamed to even type that. I know He knows what is best for me. I know He has it planned already. But then my stupid humanness takes over and *poof* I have become more of an expert than God is. How sick. I want God's will for my life - I do. So, why is it that I also want what I think is best for me? Why am I wanting at all? God has provided infinitely more for me than I could ever deserve, yet I still find myself yearning for what I do not have. Contentment. There is something, huh?

Last night, I found myself trying to push for my own desires. I have a friend who just lost her mom. She lived here in my town. She lived right next door to one of my best friends. Since all of my thoughts are on where I am going to live (sick again), I instantly thought of that house. But let me say this.....all of my thoughts were not all about me in this one - honestly. While I liked the idea of possibly getting a house in my town, near my friend, and maybe without the hindrance of a realtor (sorry to those who make their living this way)....the truth is I was thinking about her too. I assumed that they would have to get rid of the house. I thought about how it would be nice (considering the current market) if they could sell it to someone directly, quickly and that this someone would love and care for the house that her mom had lived in and loved. Seems like a lot of thinking for something as simple as a house, right? Trust don't even want to know what goes on in this mind.

So, I have these thoughts going on in my mind, but the most powerful thought is "I do not want to hurt my friend." She has just lost her momma. I can't just ask if she wants to sell her house. I don't know what to do. Then I find myself talking to WAY TOO MANY people about her mom's memorial service! Am I a class-act idiot or what? I left the memorial bawling. Not because I was sad that she died - I mean, she was finally with her Lord and Savior, not in any more pain - I was rejoicing over that. I was bawling at my lack of.......not sure of the word. How could I even be so selfish to think about something like that at a time like that? How shameful. I talked to my mom and Carolyn afterwards, and they tried to convince me that I did nothing wrong. Yet, I still felt like crap. So, I got to thinking.....WHY is this on my mind like it is? Am I just forcing it on myself, or am I supposed to be thinking this for a reason? It all goes back to God's will. I needs to shut my mouth and open my ears. I have been praying, but maybe I have not been praying the right thing. God knows I would like my own my kids don't have to move schools again.

(This is now the next day...) And I have decided to just drop this. I have to be content exactly where I am. Thankful for all I have been blessed with. God has more than provided in the past and I have absolutely no reason to doubt that He will continue. It certainly may not be what I think of, but then again, it just may. But, my friends, that is up to God.

Tuesday, September 13, 2011

Literal Jadyn

Jadyn is so literal. She sure makes me smile. Tonight we were talking about her speech teacher coming and taking her out of her class. I was not entirely sure what she was talking about, and Grace said, "Mom, I can tell you what happened. Mrs. Chapman came to Jadyn's class and pulled Jadyn out..." To which Jadyn quickly responded, "No, she did not PULL me out. She walked out next to me and held my hand!" What a literal girl!

Morning Slave

This morning I asked Jacob to unload the silverware from the dishwasher. When he asked why, I said because he is my slave. He then told me that he would just take the slave tunnel and get away from me. That made me laugh. I asked him where he learned about that and he said in music class.

Friday, September 9, 2011

Jacob has been up by 6:15 am every day this week, most specifically getting into the shower. I think I have some more insight to Jacob's recent hygiene routine change. Tonight as I was putting him to bed, he grabbed me and wrapped his arms around me. Then he said he would let me go, if I said the magic words. I started with "I love my Mom", he said no. Then I tried "pizza", he said no. Then he said "It is easy." I said "My mom is beautiful", again he said no. Then he told me the magic words. It was "Ms. Murphy" - that is his teacher's name. I think we might have our first crush. Maybe.

Tuesday, September 6, 2011

Pictures from First Day

First Day of School (2011-2012)

I was up at 4:27am. I went to the gym, came home, made coffee, showered, dressed, made 4 lunches, wrote 3 love notes, drank coffee and had devotions with Greg, prayed, read my Bible, then heard Jacob run downstairs. It was 6:17am and he came in the kitchen and said "I am ready! I need to get in the shower so that I can get dressed." What?!? He was so excited. Not only did he shower, but he also told me that he needed to use "Dad's mouthwash and armpit stuff". As I was in the bathroom drying my hair, Jacob came in a "primped" for about 10 minutes. He sprayed, brushed, dried, sprayed, brushed, gelled, sprayed, spiked and then put his hair in a point in the front. Then he stood there and kept looking at himself. Checking the different angles. It took all I had not to laugh because he was so serious. Every time he looked at me I just smiled back at him. It still makes me giggle. I imagined I would have this with one, if not both, of my girls. I never figured it would come from Jacob. He was the only one who really laid out clothes last night too. Even down to his shoes. He came in and told me he like his lunch. I knew he would check that out. Today he got leftover pizza instead of a sandwich, which I knew would please him. Then he asked me why I put his goldfish in a bowl with a lid instead of a baggie. I told him it was so that they did not get crushed by his ice pack. He then asked if he could put them "in a rubbermaid". I told him he could if he wanted. He left to go try, but when I walked into the kitchen I saw that he had put them back into the original bowl. I did not say a word. The rubbermaid was too big.

When I went into the kitchen, I saw that Grant was up (6:45am). He was following Jacob around, asking, "You going to school, J-pup?" Jacob kept telling him yes.

Grace just got up (6:55am), just before her alarm (which did not even go off). Oh! The alarm just started going. Hopefully this will wake Jadyn up. Last night, she said that she would "want to sleep long" because her "bed was warm and cozy". She was not sure if she would like school. She said if she did not like it, she was "not going back".

Well, more later. Everyone's up now. Time to get started.

Sunday, September 4, 2011

The New Piano

We are the proud new owners of a piano. This piano was given to us by Aunt Gayle, in addition to a bunch of other household goods. She REALLY blessed us! Grace is so excited to start piano lessons. In fact, she has already learned "It Came Upon a Midnight Clear", from the music sheet I learned on when I was younger and taught myself. Then Aunt Gayle came over and taught Grace how to play "Amazing Grace" on the black keys. She picked it up so fast, I was totally amazed at Grace (pun intended). But what was even neater than that was that the day after Grace learned on the black keys, she taught herself how to play on the white keys. Totally impressed. She is so determined though. When she gets up in the morning, the FIRST thing she does is head to the piano to practice. I can't wait to see how she does with her lessons. They start next week.....I'll keep you posted.