Not Mine To Struggle With

I am struggling with the financial difficulties that my parents are going through right now. The struggle, I think - after some talking through with the Lord - is being brought on by myself. Instead of turning my cares, concerns and thoughts over to Him (the Only One who can handle situations beyond our control), I wrestle with them myself, as if I could actually do something. I carry a burden WAY TOO HEAVY for me.

Come to me, all you who are weary and burdened, and I will give you rest. Matthew 11:28

So WHY do I always come AFTER I have worn myself down???? Am I so simple?? Maybe some of it is that I am removed from the situation right now and it is easier to hide from it here. But, honestly, after talking it over with God, I feel much better about the fact that I do not have control over this, I never will and that is ok. God does. And He is infinitely more powerful than I could ever imagine. AND......I have seen and experienced Him work in ways that I never imagined, so I know it is possible.

It is frustrating that I am so slow on the uptake though. I know God cares. I know He is there waiting for me. I know He can carry the burdens that are WAY TOO HEAVY for me. I know He wants to. So what the heck is wrong with me??? You know what? Nothing is wrong with me. I am God's and I am precious. I am His simple child and I know that He loves me and is waiting patiently for me, as I make my mistakes. Forgiving me and showing me ENDLESS grace and mercy. I love that He loves me so much. I love that in Him is the only place I can REALLY find safety and security. I am glad to realize that now, instead of wasting more time trying to find safety and security in the junk the world has to offer. STUFF that is here today and gone tomorrow.

I have been really wrapped up in the sentimentality of my parents' house. I want my kids to be able to grow up there and play and have fun there like I did. It is a great place. But when the rubber meets the road, it is just sticks and bricks. A hollow shell. Nothing. What matters is the people, the memories and the lives lived there. I learned this lesson the very hard way - by having to leave my own house. But I can easily say that, despite the fact that I thought it mattered, it doesn't matter a lick.

I want to help, but I am not the one to make the changes. I am excited to see the changes in my sweet husband as he tries to work the situation out too. I love that his heart is so soft to my family. I love him for that. But it is not up to us. We are bystanders on this one and the sooner I grasp this, the better off I will be.

Just writing about this has made me see a bit more clearly. I have to "trust in the Lord with all my heart" and stop trying to lean on my own (limited) understanding. I don't understand, not sure if I ever will. But I know the One who does. And in Him will I trust. And in Him will I make my home.