Growth Hurts

I have not cried as much as I have in the last month or so. God is REALLY working on me. I have been seriously searching for why I am struggling so much.....and keep coming up with trust. Now before we go jumping off the deep end, let me clarify. I have no horrible past with scary skeletons in my closet. I have never had an issue with my husband and know I won't - he is too good of a man (Praise you, Jesus!!!) I guess it is a head over heart thing. I know that God is in control. I know that God loves me. I know that God has a plan for me. I know that God can do infinitely more than I could think or imagine. YET.....I don't put this into action. Anytime anything comes up, I go into "problem-solving mode". Maybe I should have been a man?!? OK - seriously - no gender confusion here - I know I am made EXACTLY how God wanted me, and then He is molding me and changing me right before my very eyes. I have been letting the devil mislead me. I often tell myself that I am not doing anything FOR God. And then I get down on myself because I am supposed to be doing something, right? And the dang devil keeps leading me down this path and like the dumb sheep I am, I keep following. NOT TRUE!!!! I have a Good Shepherd who wants me to listen to Him and follow where He leads. Following my own voice or worse yet, the voice of the devil, will always lead to destruction (and/or pain). I have to let go of what I picture as the "perfect plan" for my life and cling to the plan God has for me. It is not easy, let me tell you. I fail every single day. And yet, each morning, I get back up and start all over...praying that God will show me what He wants me to know that day. Or praying that He will speak to me. Sometimes praying that He will scream at me. I am not perfect and will not be until I see My Heavenly Father face-to-face. But, I rest securely, knowing beyond a shadow of a doubt I will see Him one day. "I belong to Jesus, I am not my own. All I have and all I am, belong to Him alone" to quote a friend (words from her song).

More stretching, more growing, more crying.....repeat. repeat. repeat. repeat. You get my drift?