More Encounter Thoughts

I wanted to go to Encounter - really badly. For some time I have felt that there was something in the way of my relationship with God. Obviously, it was me but I couldn't get my brain around what it was. Prior to the Encounter, I was reading the pre-encounter reading and had to laugh at God's PERFECT timing. One of the "recommendations" was to get rid of anything that would distract our attention from what we were about to enter into. I laughed because this would mean to stop living - but seriously the real laughter came from the fact that the morning of the Encounter we were finally able to close on our house in MI and remove that HUGE thing from the books of my mind. Ahhh - God's timing. So I went to the Encounter feeling pretty free. As I sat there Friday night, I was thinking to myself - "What is wrong with me? Am I repressing memories? Why can't I come up with a bad past memory to forgive my parents for?" Once I said those things and listened, my whole attitude changed from "What's wrong with me?" to " I have to get to my phone and call my parents and thank them for all they have done for me". Although I have to admit it was pretty powerful to have "FORGIVEN" shouted over me!!! I have been a Christian for as long as I can remember and was pretty sure that I was doing ok. Yeah....well, then Saturday came and those thoughts were shattered - Praise Jesus! I was still sitting there when others were getting up to forgive those who have hurt them and I was thinking again "What am I forgetting or trying not to remember?" I even went so far as to think I was going to have to come in for counseling after this Encounter because I HAD to be repressing something. All of a sudden Todd said something along the lines of "Maybe it is yourself that you need to forgive" - YES! YES! YES! That's it! It was me. I was the one who was stealing my own joy. I was so consumed in worry and wanting to have COMPLETE control over every situation that I was not able to experience the pure joy of what was right in front of me. I prayed for 6 months to get my family back together, saying that I would live in a cardboard box if I had to, and here God has brought us together and I was too busy complaining about everything I did not like, that I completely missed the answer to my prayer. There is freedom in knowing (and even more in believing) that God is in control of EVERY situation. I do not have to be. I can enter into His presence and talk to Him without trying to convince Him over to my side - He is already there. I have authority as a princess of GOD MOST HIGH to claim the blood of Jesus over myself and my family and TRUST that Jesus' blood is enough. Oh for sure, I am going to mess up. I am not kidding myself. This side of glory I am still a work in progress, but I know that when I do mess up, I will be convicted and will be able to experience true repentance and then with as much ease as writing it.....carry on. Forgiveness with God is so much more than forgiveness with a mere human. When God forgives, He forgets. That's it. No more. Praise the Lord and carry on.