Yuk!

Man, it's bad today. The morning started out with Greg and I fighting, then we rounded out the noontime with more. But this time, it was me. Remember the judge not, lest ye be judged? Guilty. Mega-guilty. I have been thinking that if Greg would just get it together and trust God (like I am - ooooo man this is bad), then we would be alright. Oh my goodness! Am I hearing what I am saying? I am so ashamed, embarrassed, grieved at my behavior; I can't even begin to imagine how I have hurt God. What is becoming clearer to me is this: Just like I cannot "save" anyone (this is Christ's job - completed on the cross), I also cannot make anyone grow closer to or trust God. It is a personal choice. But even more than this, is shame on me in a major way for assuming what someone is doing. I am a nag. The nagging wife that is WORSE than a constant dripping. Lord help me. Greg's relationship with and trust in God is his business - not mine. I can pray for him and love him (and need to be doing a better job), but I can't nag or force him. And I can't assume that we are in this state because "he is not doing the right things". Because CLEARLY I am doing the wrong things. One step forward, two giant steps back. I have so much more to learn and so much more growing up to do.

Yesterday was such a bang up day, so the devil just tries to worm his way into ruining this day. So NOW IT STOPS! I declare the rest of this day for God's glory alone. Jesus be praised!

Often I get caught up in the "what" of any situation. Whether it is Greg looking for a job or it is me trying to get my Bible reading done or pray. It is almost like I think it is something to check of a tasklist, rather than living in the moment of the situation. God doesn't care if I read my Bible. I mean, clearly He wants me to, but if reading my Bible is just something I do for the sake of doing and the relationship is not there - then why bother. Same for praying. God wants me to dialogue with Him. Not pray something canned. Not bring a list of my wants. He wants the relationship. Yes, absolutely yes, present your requests to Him (He already know anyway). But He is not a genie in a bottle, waiting to grant my every wish. It is not like that. It is like hanging with your best friend, being able to say whatever, whenever, not worrying about what they think, not trying to get something out of it selfishly. Just basking in the glow of your love for each other.

Failing a lot lately. Falling to my knees even more lately. Needing more than ever NOW. Thank you Lord.