Doing Battle with Pride

Spent some time this morning thinking about pride. If you would have asked me (before this morning) if I was prideful, I would have said no. However, that is simply not the case. I was thinking about how no one really talked to me at the Mom's group I went to last night. Everyone was in their own little groups and "couldn't be bothered" with me. OK - that is what I was thinking. I think I come across (especially to new people) as standoffish or maybe thinking I am superior to them. Clearly, I am not, but what I realized was that I do "size" people up as soon as I enter a new environment. Then I sit back and wait for someone to come up and start conversation with me. I do not start conversations, new conversations - ever. For shame. Think of all the conversation I am missing because I am to (what?) to start them. Am I scared, nervous, proud??? I know I am terrible at this type of thing. So this got me to thinking about our church in IL. I loved and still do love that place.....rather those people. People who filled my need. I know that sounds bad but let me try to explain. From the minute we set foot in the door, we mattered. People talked to us, invited us in, not only to the church but to their lives. I still do not have that feeling here. And I keep looking for it. And maybe, just maybe, that is why I am so discontent in the church arena. I am looking for people to be what I need, rather than taking what I learned and experienced and putting it into action. How many people at the churches we have attended since coming home, have been waiting for someone to come along side of them and make them feel like they mattered? Great. So now, in addition to being prideful, I am also very self-centered. Fab-u-lous. Actually I have not even mentioned the pride part yet. I try to put up this front of having it all together, looking nice, having the "right" stuff....when NONE of this matters. Why do I go to all the effort to impress men (or women...I am using the term "men" to mean all people). It is only God that matters. It is what He thinks of me that matters. Am I doing things to please Him, or am I trying to please myself or other people? I do not need to please other people, I need to love them just as they are. I need to let God's immeasurable love splash over from my cup and soak them. Stop sizing people up. Stop judging people (you are most often wrong anyway). Stop trying to impress people.

Love the Lord your God with all your heart, with all your soul, with all your strength and with all your mind (Luke 10:27). Woke up singing this song this morning. I absolutely love that God has been giving me songs in the morning. I have woken up singing a new song every day. Yesterday's song was Almighty by Wayne Watson. Love that one too!

So I am praying today for a changed heart. One that loves unconditionally. One that loves because God first loved me. One that freely expresses that love because people need to feel that love. And I am praying for the people. Whomever God chooses to place in the path of this love - His love that He is allowing me to share with others. Oh, I know how much God loves me. He knows everything about me. He knows when I sit and when I stand, when I lie down and when I get up. He goes before me and comes behind me. He intricately knit me together in my mother's womb, and knew everything I would ever say and do before even one came to pass. I love how He loves me. I want to share.

Change my heart, O God. Make it ever true. Change me heart, O God. May I be like You. Love that He keeps giving me songs!!!!!