Lunch Lady No More

For the last week or so, I have been terrified (or at least felt that way). Terrified about starting a new job. Last night at about 10pm or so, Greg randomly said, "You shouldn't be working. The timing is wrong." Oh, geez, did that mess with me. I was supposed to start in the morning. Then he tongue-lashed me about how I always jump into things without thinking. Then he stopped. So, I was laying in bed and praying, asking the Lord what I was supposed to do. Then Greg started again. Telling me it was not worth all the hassle to everyone, for me to have this job that didn't make any money. Ouch. His words were hurting, but they were speaking the truth. So I continued praying. A few minutes later, he started again. Reminding me that I wanted to raise my children, not have someone else do it. OK - OK, I get the point. But now I couldn't sleep because I was feeling sick about quitting a job (that I wanted 3 years from now) that I had not even started yet. I got up (because Greg made me because I was just flip-flopping around in the bed keeping him awake). I came out, prayed again, then called my mom. She only said she agreed that I should be home with my kids. Then I called Abby. She prayed with me and encouraged me. I knew what I had to do, but I did not like it.

This morning I was up at 6am. Showered and ready to go to the school to "face the music". I prayed all the way and took my devotions to do while I sat in the parking lot and waited for someone to show up. I saw a car pull in the other side of the parking lot, so I drove over there. It ended up being the main "lunch boss". I called out to here and we had the conversation in the parking lot. I told her I felt terrible to quit before I started, but I felt I had to be home with my babies. She told me that unless I had to be there, I should be home with them. I said that when they are in school I want to be able to come back - I do not want to burn this bridge. She advised me it would be OK. Thank you Lord for Your Heavenly orchestration of this scary confrontation for me.

Then in the car on the way home, I started telling myself that I was a slacker. Almost as soon as I said that, a fight broke out between the devil and me. I said I was not a slacker, I was first and foremost, a mama, and my biggest responsibility was to my husband and kids. That is where God placed me, that is the job He has given me and that is what I am going to do.

I still feel a little bad, but when Jadyn and Grant (and Grace) were all snuggling together on my lap, arguing over whose "mama" I was, I knew I had made the right choice. Good thing I have a persistent husband who is not afraid to call me out and tell me I am rash and always in a hurry. Thank you Lord for him. And thank you Lord for Your reassurance.