My Day - in Review

Last night, Greg and I went to small group - the kids spent the night at grandma and grandpa's house. So that meant we got to sleep in this morning. Once we got up, we went to breakfast and like a very old couple, we sat across from each other, drinking our coffee, Greg reading the newspaper while I read my Bible and Our Daily Bread. How romantic! After breakfast, we went to Walmart, where we both got (desperately needed) new cell phones. By the time we were done at Walmart, it was time to go see the kids. As we were arriving at grandma and grandpa's house, Tom was arriving right behind us (he was supposed to meet us for breakfast but had to catch up on some much needed sleep). We had 15 minutes to visit before we had to leave to go "do leaves". Our small group was descending onto the yard of a 97 year old man (who needs Jesus) to clean his yard and rake a burn a TON of leaves. We (Greg, Tom, Jacob, Grace and I) went and joined an amazing crew of easily 25 people, raking, carrying, blowing and burning leaves. There were so many people that we even asked 2 other neighbors if we could do their yards.....to which they gladly said yes!! I was so proud of Jacob and Grace! They worked so hard. Once we got in the car to go home, they asked why we did that. I guess I need to do a better job of explaining the "why" of what we are doing BEFORE we do it. We left there and headed back to grandma and grandpa's. There we cut down, knocked down and cut up trees, stacked logs, burnt logs and sticks, raked twigs......worked like dogs. They have so many dead trees on the acreage - it is crazy. But I realized something while I was working today. I am (embarrassed to say I am) a very intolerant person. Or maybe it is a different word. I was so mean and rotten to Greg today. It kind of started as fun (even sadder), but then it was like...if he couldn't do it my way, then he was wrong. How arrogant and full of myself can I get? He is an exceptionally hard worker and was doing things fine. Why then do I think I have a reason to criticize if things are not done my way. Oh....I still have a lot of learning to do. Praise God that He has blessed me with an amazingly patient and tolerant husband. What an example of God's love he is! I clearly do not deserve his love, yet he loves me. How very much like our Savior - who loves us in spite of our sin-filled lives.

My body is tired. My face is burned (from being too close to the fire while making hot dogs and marshmallows). My lips are chapped (either from being burned from the fire or wind burned - but burned none-the-less). My heart is heavy from my rottenness. I just want to rest. But I think I have some apologizing to do. Thank you Lord for giving me another chance. Thank you for Your patience and blessings!

Been Cryin'

Lots of crying has been done by me lately. A couple of days ago I was reading from my blog to a friend, and as I was reading about how good God has been to me, it made me cry all over again. I could never deserve to be loved so much, and yet, He loves me more than I could ever imagine. Wow.

Another trail of tears......I was supposed to go on a field trip with Jacob. Actually the day started with me going to the school to help in Grace's class. When I arrived the teacher told me that they would be doing a tornado drill. Then the sirens sounded and all the kids marched out into the "pods" and sat facing the walls, with their heads in their laps covered by their hands. Once they were all seated, the teacher took roll call to make sure everyone was accounted for. Guess what? I was crying. Not entirely sure why. Maybe it was because I was glad to see that my kiddos were being taken care of (good thing - because later in the day they had a real tornado....not drill.....but the real thing...I do not know what to call it). But maybe it was something all together different. Maybe I am just becoming a baby. Maybe it is simply because God loves me....and He loves my kids! So because of the storm, Jacob's field trip was cancelled. Oh crud, I have totally gotten ahead of myself. The Jacob story starts the morning of the field trip - at home. Jacob was laying in bed with me and he told me that he did not want me to go on his field trip. I asked him why and he said he just did not want me to go. I told him that if he had a reason I would consider it but I was not just going to not go. Then he said it...the dreaded words every mom hears at some point but never wants to.....he was embarrassed. Well, of course then, all my insecurities popped up. What are you embarrassed about? Tell me and I can change it. Does he think I am too fat to be in a bathing suit (the field trip was to the pool)? I was totally crushed and oh.....I made sure he knew it too. Fast forward to finishing with Grace's class. I decided that, since the field trip was cancelled, I would peek in the window of Jacob's classroom and see what he was doing. For a few minutes he did not notice me, but when he did - oh man - the look was horrible. The *eyes roll* I'm so disgusted that you are looking in my classroom look. If I thought my feelings were hurt before, the were obliterated now. So I left the school, feeling dejected, and drove to my mom and dad's - bawling all the way! Oh man, my feelings were hurt so bad, it was ridiculous. Do I really place so much of my own value in what my kids think of me? Apparently so. When I got to mom and dad's, I sat in the basement and poured it all out to my mom, who said she knew how I felt and that this too would pass. BUT MY FEELINGS ARE HURT - BAD!!!!!

When Jacob came home that afternoon, I sat him down and talked to him about his behavior. His feelings are fine, but the disrespect of the eye roll is unacceptable. Then I told him that because I am his mom and I love him so much, I will be at EVERY field trip (be the good Lord willing). I care about what he is doing, whether he is at school, at church, at home, or otherwise. It is important to me, so I will make every attempt to be at everything I possible can.

That said, my precious husband has solved a terrible dilemma for me tonight. Greg's dad's cousin's wife (I know, I know) passed away this week and the funeral is tomorrow. I was not sure how I would make Jadyn's Halloween parade and party in the AM, get to the funeral and luncheon and then be back in time for Jacob and Grace's parade and parties. Greg solved it by telling me to drive separate from his parents and not go to the luncheon. Now, why couldn't I think of that one? Must be all the running like a chicken with my head cut off I have been doing for the last 2 days.
Love that man.

Psalm 86

1 Hear, O LORD, and answer me,
for I am poor and needy.
2 Guard my life, for I am devoted to you.
You are my God; save your servant
who trusts in you.

3 Have mercy on me, O Lord,
for I call to you all day long.

4 Bring joy to your servant,
for to you, O Lord,
I lift up my soul.

5 You are forgiving and good, O Lord,
abounding in love to all who call to you.

6 Hear my prayer, O LORD;
listen to my cry for mercy.

7 In the day of my trouble I will call to you,
for you will answer me.

8 Among the gods there is none like you, O Lord;
no deeds can compare with yours.

9 All the nations you have made
will come and worship before you, O Lord;
they will bring glory to your name.

10 For you are great and do marvelous deeds;
you alone are God.

11 Teach me your way, O LORD,
and I will walk in your truth;
give me an undivided heart,
that I may fear your name.

12 I will praise you, O Lord my God, with all my heart;
I will glorify your name forever.

13 For great is your love toward me;
you have delivered me from the depths of the grave. [a]

14 The arrogant are attacking me, O God;
a band of ruthless men seeks my life—
men without regard for you.

15 But you, O Lord, are a compassionate and gracious God,
slow to anger, abounding in love and faithfulness.

16 Turn to me and have mercy on me;
grant your strength to your servant
and save the son of your maidservant. [b]

17 Give me a sign of your goodness,
that my enemies may see it and be put to shame,
for you, O LORD, have helped me and comforted me.

A Mother's Blessing

I am so blessed. Really, I am. So many things, so little time to tell. Tonight, I noticed that Jacob was playing basketball with a kid I had never seen before. When I introduced myself to him, I found out he was our next door neighbor (the ones who let their dog poop in our yard - but it doesn't anymore). Tonight as I was putting Jacob to bed I asked him how he got to playing with Trent. Jacob told me that he (Jacob) just went over to him and asked him if he wanted to play? *Cleaning ears out* Did I hear right? My son, my firstborn, went over and asked someone else to play? Praise God!!! So cool. But what is the coolest is not that he went and did it, but that this is another prayer answered. I have been praying for a while now that Jacob would come out of his shell and find some good friends. While as of now I cannot say whether this other boy is a "good friend", I can rejoice that Jacob initiated the friendship. Praise God, from whom all blessings flow. I love this! Oh, mom's listen.......God is there and he is waiting.....bring your kiddos to Him. Suffer the little children. Bring them before His Holy throne. Oh my gosh! I am so blessed!

Then I moved to the girl's room to put them to bed. Jadyn asked if she could pray. Of course she can pray! So her prayer was this:
Dear Jesus, Thank you for Jacob and the other boy. Thank you for mom and dad. Thank you for grandma and grandpa. Thank you for mimi and papa. Thank you for Gracie and Grant. Amen.
I thought to myself....did she hear me praying with Jacob? Why was she praying for the "other boy", the one Jacob was playing with? Wow! I love how God worked in that. And so precious was her prayer, I had a hard time keeping myself together. I finally got enough composure to tell her I loved her prayer and no sooner had the words left my mouth, she was terrified. There was nothing to be terrified of, but I know that this was the devil attacking her precious heart. A 4 year old. How freaking rude. Really. But he knew that her heart was open to God and he used whatever means necessary to get her mind of praying and God. Shame. But then, out of nowhere (OK his bed) Grant toddles into the room, climbs up onto the bed, over me and lays right on top of Jadyn. Then he says: "I sorry Jadyn, I sorry." Comforting her. He heard her crying from his room and came in to love on her. Am I a lucky mom or what? Immediately after Grant's arrival, Grace broke out into prayer, asking God to comfort Jadyn and help her not to be scared. Oh, I love my kids! And I love how they love and trust the Lord.

I am a seriously blessed momma! Thank you Lord for answering my prayers and working in the lives of my kids. OUR kids. Praise you Eternal Father!

Doing Battle with Pride

Spent some time this morning thinking about pride. If you would have asked me (before this morning) if I was prideful, I would have said no. However, that is simply not the case. I was thinking about how no one really talked to me at the Mom's group I went to last night. Everyone was in their own little groups and "couldn't be bothered" with me. OK - that is what I was thinking. I think I come across (especially to new people) as standoffish or maybe thinking I am superior to them. Clearly, I am not, but what I realized was that I do "size" people up as soon as I enter a new environment. Then I sit back and wait for someone to come up and start conversation with me. I do not start conversations, new conversations - ever. For shame. Think of all the conversation I am missing because I am to (what?) to start them. Am I scared, nervous, proud??? I know I am terrible at this type of thing. So this got me to thinking about our church in IL. I loved and still do love that place.....rather those people. People who filled my need. I know that sounds bad but let me try to explain. From the minute we set foot in the door, we mattered. People talked to us, invited us in, not only to the church but to their lives. I still do not have that feeling here. And I keep looking for it. And maybe, just maybe, that is why I am so discontent in the church arena. I am looking for people to be what I need, rather than taking what I learned and experienced and putting it into action. How many people at the churches we have attended since coming home, have been waiting for someone to come along side of them and make them feel like they mattered? Great. So now, in addition to being prideful, I am also very self-centered. Fab-u-lous. Actually I have not even mentioned the pride part yet. I try to put up this front of having it all together, looking nice, having the "right" stuff....when NONE of this matters. Why do I go to all the effort to impress men (or women...I am using the term "men" to mean all people). It is only God that matters. It is what He thinks of me that matters. Am I doing things to please Him, or am I trying to please myself or other people? I do not need to please other people, I need to love them just as they are. I need to let God's immeasurable love splash over from my cup and soak them. Stop sizing people up. Stop judging people (you are most often wrong anyway). Stop trying to impress people.

Love the Lord your God with all your heart, with all your soul, with all your strength and with all your mind (Luke 10:27). Woke up singing this song this morning. I absolutely love that God has been giving me songs in the morning. I have woken up singing a new song every day. Yesterday's song was Almighty by Wayne Watson. Love that one too!

So I am praying today for a changed heart. One that loves unconditionally. One that loves because God first loved me. One that freely expresses that love because people need to feel that love. And I am praying for the people. Whomever God chooses to place in the path of this love - His love that He is allowing me to share with others. Oh, I know how much God loves me. He knows everything about me. He knows when I sit and when I stand, when I lie down and when I get up. He goes before me and comes behind me. He intricately knit me together in my mother's womb, and knew everything I would ever say and do before even one came to pass. I love how He loves me. I want to share.

Change my heart, O God. Make it ever true. Change me heart, O God. May I be like You. Love that He keeps giving me songs!!!!!

Abundant Life

I was talking recently with an older family member. He was telling me that his friend was reminding him that "they were at the end of the trail" in life. That his friend has recently bought his "last car" and his "last sofa". I gently slipped in that this was a great time to really get to know the Lord. He looked down, eyes slightly wet with tears (whether it was from realizing the "end of the trail" or his desperate need for his Savior, I do not know), and said to me, "I still have some living to do. I am not ready to meet Him yet." I was stunned.

I woke up this morning thinking about that conversation. I was (and still am) very sad over this. John 10:10 tells us that Jesus came "that they may have life, and have it to the full." Imagine the life and the living yet to be done, while living a life humbled and submitted to Christ Jesus. Worse yet, imagine the ramifications of NOT living a life submitted to Christ. Hell is real for sure - it is not something made up. And God gives us opportunities to turn from our sinful ways and turn to Him. Yet, many (even in my own family) keep turning their backs on Him. Know the good news? He will not turn His back on them....as long as they are breathing. Once you have stopped breathing, you cannot choose Christ anymore. And...sadly.....if you have not chosen Christ, your eternal reward is separation from God (unthinkable).

Precious, patient, loving Heavenly Father, please change the hearts of my family members. Please help them to feel your Presence and know that it is You alone that they need. That their life could be lived to the fullest in the midst of Your Presence. Lord, hear my cries. Change their hearts!!!!

Jadyn's Boyfriend

Jadyn has a boyfriend. Yes, 4 year old Jadyn has a boyfriend. She met him at preschool, and according to the teachers they are inseparable. They do everything together. After a field trip to the nature center, I noticed that all of this is very true. Jadyn talks about Kenton ALL THE TIME. No really, all the time. Yesterday they had a playdate after school. So here are a few pictures of them. Too sweet. But seriously, they are really good friends and it is very cute to watch them play.







I just recently came across this picture of us at Oscoda this year. I never noticed how nice it really is. Just for your viewing pleasure.

Psalm 23

Last Wednesday Grace had to learn the 23rd Psalm for Awana. It was also Parent's Night, so I was in the class. I helped Grace work on her verses but then her time came to say it to her teacher's helper. I sat there nervous for her but she belted it right out - with no helps. I was so proud of her!! And I told her so. The lady she said her verses to was also surprised at the magnitude of verse for a 2nd grader. Apparently, she was also impressed with Grace's ability to memorize it (clearly she was not the only one to memorize this, but she was the first for this lady), because she told her 4th grade daughter about this little girl who memorized this long Scripture. I know this because she told me this tonight. She also told me about her conversation with Grace about it. In the car on the way home Grace also told me the conversation. It went something like this:

Lady: I was so impressed with your verses last week. I went right home and told my 4th grade daughter about how many verses you memorized.
Grace: Really?
L: Yes, that was so cool.
G: That's what my mom said. She is so proud of me!

Yes, I was and still am proud of her accomplishment! I absolutely LOVE that she knows I am proud of her!!! Love it, love it, love it!!!!!

Overwhelmed with Gratefulness

So, Tuesday the offer came. Wednesday Greg had 2 interviews previously scheduled which he continued with. Thursday he had 3 phone calls - one random, one from GM and one for a 2nd interview. Today, he is at the 2nd interview. A few minutes ago, I took a call from the other company that he has previously had 3 interviews with. I am a wreck. I have been sitting in my "prayer closet" crying and praying, and I have no idea for what. I am so excited at all the possibilities and nervous about choosing the "right" one. I just want to be where God wants us to be and for whatever reason I am not listening (or hearing) well. I hope I do not listen to God like my children listen to me :)............(elapsed time)........I just got off the phone with Greg and he feels confident that this company will offer him the job next week. As he was talking to me about it, the guy (who called here previously) called him back, so he had to let me go......so I wait. In the meantime, I am so grateful and thankful for these opportunities. If for nothing else, for Greg's confidence. So I will leave for now and go back to writing out Psalm 118 (in an attempt to memorize it). But I will keep you posted.

Father in Heaven, I come to you now and praise your Holy Name! You are God, greater than anything ever. There is none like You. You are my constant, my rock, my Lord. Please Lord, help me to hear You! I want to hear You, and You alone. I want to hear You so clearly, like You are sitting next to me. Whether I turn to the right or the loft, to hear a voice behind me saying "This is the way. Walk in it". Lord, hear my prayer. Show me Your Way!

Greg just called me. The guy was a recruiter for the job I was supposing it was. He was calling to tell Greg that he was one of the final candidates for the job. Oh my.

Heart Protection

God has really protected me during this journey (and always). But I was thinking about this simple issue. Every time Greg has EVER interviewed for any job, I get emotionally involved. "Oh yes, this has to be the one! When are they going to call? Really? What didn't they like about you?" Over and over and over. I would ride the rollercoaster of the job search. But not this time. God has protected me and my heart and my emotions. Only one time through this whole process did I experience any emotion over a job (see post The Desire of My Heart 9/17/10). But this was where I poured out the desires of my heart to God, and then within hours Greg received information that line up EXACTLY with what I was praying. Guess what? THIS IS THE JOB! Oh, how I praise God for caring for and providing for us in this way. How utterly amazing!! And that this was the only time I felt any emotion for any job in the entire 45 day period. THANK YOU LORD!

Spread Your Wings Little Butterfly

Today an offer came. Oh are we excited! How God has provided again. Know what is neat? I was sitting, writing out Psalm 118, and I came across verses 23-24.

"The Lord has done this, and it is marvelous in our eyes. This is the day that the Lord has made; let us rejoice and be glad in it."

And rejoicing we are! Praise God from whom all blessings flow!

We are still working out the details, but today is the day (kind of). I was sitting praying with Greg, praising God, when all of a sudden I got sad. I am not sure if that is the correct word for what I was feeling, but it is the word I'll use for now. I was trying to explain to Greg that I am afraid to come out of the cocoon. We have been unable to provide for ourselves during this time, and now that we have a job, I do not want to fall away from the cradling in God's hand. Here's the thing: He will not drop me. I have to make sure that I do not jump.

Keep my eyes focused on Him, and Him alone. Nothing else matters. Let God guide me, not a checkbook or the false security of a job. Please do not mistake this for being ungrateful for this awesome opportunity. I just really like remaining in God, trusting in God, relying on God, being taken care of by God. The thing that needs to sink in is that this does not have to change simply because we have a job. Actually this gives us MORE opportunity to serve God more. And this is what we will do!!!

Come out, precious butterfly, come out! You have been moulded and prepared......time to fly!

Nurse Cinderella in Chicago

I finally got my mini-vacation!!! Well, at least I got away for a day or so. Mom and I went to Chicago to pick Grandma up from Aunt Sally's house. Grandma has been in Chicago, very sick, back and forth between the hospital, a rehabilitation center and Aunt Sally's house for the last 6 weeks. Mom and I drove down Saturday morning. We stopped in Battle Creek to visit my high school friend and see her new baby. Then we stopped to check out exactly what the chocolate garden was. Let me tell you. It is a small building that charges a lot of money for a very small amount of chocolate. We immediately left telling ourselves that we were diet coke and m&m girls, not truffles and wine ladies. So onto Chicago we went. When we first got there we "checked into" our accommodations. We stayed at my mom's cousin's house. She was so kind to let us crash there despite her being away. THAT was a treat. She has a MEGA-mansion. OK, she has a quaint 20,000 square foot home. Yes - I said 20,000! It was so beautiful. Totally not for me - who could clean it? (3 cleaning ladies.) But, oh.....what a wonderful place to visit. I can hardly wait to go back!! *hint, hint* I felt like Cinderella (without the housework) in my bedroom. The bed in my room was so high, I could have used a ladder to get in. The top of the bed was at the line of my belly button. I mean this was REALLY TALL!!!! The bed was beautiful, every piece of furniture in the room was beautiful, there were floor length draperies that totally reminded me of Cinderella. I lay in the bed, snuggled in warm covers, head resting on fluffy pillows, and watching "The Dukes of Hazard". Could it have gotten any better? My kids were totally impressed by the flat screen on my bedroom wall. They wanted one too. Too bad.

However, I have gotten ahead of myself. I had much more night before bed. After touring this amazing home, we got back in the car (also spoiled by driving Grandma's Lincoln MKX) and drove to Aunt Sally's. After a little "old lady confusion" we were finally let into the building. Mom was on the building phone with Aunt Sally and her cell phone with Grandma, who were both in the same room. Oy vey! Grandma looked much better than I expected but she still didn't look well. The MSU game was on TV, in fact, it was on 3 TVs (2 of which were nearly in the same room - from the chair I was in I could watch both). Aunt Sally cracked us up by pacing while she watched the game and talking to her dog, Sadie, about the plays. Later we ate pizza and played cards. It was so much fun to watch Grandma and Aunt Sally together. They would talk about some random obscure thing, then get back into the game and talk smack to each other. Aunt Sally "knew" Grandma would always collect 4s and Grandma "knew" that before Aunt Sally sat down she would make sure she had the scorecard and pen by her. I loved watching and listening to them. Later, they would bicker back and forth about Grandma's pills (I even got this on video). I am smiling now just thinking about them. I love old people!!!

Coming home this morning we had a bed in the back of the car for Grandma. I was driving and Mom was tending to Grandma. We stopped for lunch, but had to eat on the run - no getting out. Mom had just handed Grandma her lunch and I was trying to get back on the expressway. I realized quite late that the entrance was on the opposite side of the road from where I thought it was and had to "quickly" get over. Grandma rolled around the back of the car saying "I'll remember this when you are in the back of the car with a tube sticking out of you". Can you picture it now? Laughing hard again. Then we had to pull over on the side of the expressway so Mom and I could switch, because Grandma wanted me to rub her back. That was fun - the switching. It made Grandma laugh a little. As I rubbed her back I prayed for her. I just want her to get better. To feel strong and healthy. I was so honored to be able to be there and to be able to do something that helped her. After I rubbed her back, I climbed back into the front, grabbed my Bible and started reading - out loud. Not real sure why - maybe because it was Sunday and we did not go to church. I read a Psalm, then a Proverb. Then Grandma asked where I was reading from and when I told her Proverbs, she asked me to read another one. That made me so happy. I love God's Word. And I love to read it out loud.

Although it was a short trip, it was great! I totally expected my family to be happy to see me. Grace greeted me at the door. Greg and Jacob completely ignored me when I walked in. And Jadyn and Grant were sleeping, and when they woke up really didn't want anything to do with me. I was a little bummed. A little bit ago, I was talking to Mom and she said Grandma said "I wish Michelle was here". Mom asked why and Grandma said she wanted her back rubbed. At least someone wants me.

Did Some More Thinking

So I went for a walk and did some more thinking. You know how I said God is not my genie? Well, I was lying. Kind of. I mean He is NOT my genie, but I act like if I say and do the "right" thing, then He will give me what I want. I think this is worse than thinking He is my genie. Seriously. God knows my heart. What in the world would make me think that He couldn't see past the front I was putting up? It was like if I just prayed hard enough or believed strongly enough, He would give me what I want because I was diligent. I am physically sick at my self. Please don't misunderstand me....I really honestly want God's will for my life, but based on my recent actions it appears that what I really wanted was for His will to fit into what I want. Vomit in the back of my throat. A friend of God would not think like this or behave in this way.

Want the good news? Despite my raunchiness, He still loves me. He still calls out to me to turn from my wicked ways. He still wants a deep relationship with me. He still sent His Son to die so that my disgusting sin could be washed away. Washed away. Gone. Clean. White as snow.

I am forgiven. I want to be better though. A lot better. Help me Lord. Please help me.

Yuk!

Man, it's bad today. The morning started out with Greg and I fighting, then we rounded out the noontime with more. But this time, it was me. Remember the judge not, lest ye be judged? Guilty. Mega-guilty. I have been thinking that if Greg would just get it together and trust God (like I am - ooooo man this is bad), then we would be alright. Oh my goodness! Am I hearing what I am saying? I am so ashamed, embarrassed, grieved at my behavior; I can't even begin to imagine how I have hurt God. What is becoming clearer to me is this: Just like I cannot "save" anyone (this is Christ's job - completed on the cross), I also cannot make anyone grow closer to or trust God. It is a personal choice. But even more than this, is shame on me in a major way for assuming what someone is doing. I am a nag. The nagging wife that is WORSE than a constant dripping. Lord help me. Greg's relationship with and trust in God is his business - not mine. I can pray for him and love him (and need to be doing a better job), but I can't nag or force him. And I can't assume that we are in this state because "he is not doing the right things". Because CLEARLY I am doing the wrong things. One step forward, two giant steps back. I have so much more to learn and so much more growing up to do.

Yesterday was such a bang up day, so the devil just tries to worm his way into ruining this day. So NOW IT STOPS! I declare the rest of this day for God's glory alone. Jesus be praised!

Often I get caught up in the "what" of any situation. Whether it is Greg looking for a job or it is me trying to get my Bible reading done or pray. It is almost like I think it is something to check of a tasklist, rather than living in the moment of the situation. God doesn't care if I read my Bible. I mean, clearly He wants me to, but if reading my Bible is just something I do for the sake of doing and the relationship is not there - then why bother. Same for praying. God wants me to dialogue with Him. Not pray something canned. Not bring a list of my wants. He wants the relationship. Yes, absolutely yes, present your requests to Him (He already know anyway). But He is not a genie in a bottle, waiting to grant my every wish. It is not like that. It is like hanging with your best friend, being able to say whatever, whenever, not worrying about what they think, not trying to get something out of it selfishly. Just basking in the glow of your love for each other.

Failing a lot lately. Falling to my knees even more lately. Needing more than ever NOW. Thank you Lord.