Interesting

I have just been chatting with God. It is interesting to hear what I have been learning. We are going through such a tumultuous time right now. Waiting to see what is happening with Greg's job. I am very scared, but I know that God is ultimately in control and He will win, no matter what. But in the meantime, I just have to trust. As I was ironing shirts, I was praying....I do not want to go through this (losing a job) - I REALLY do not. But what if not losing it means we miss a blessing? God has blessed us so much lately and it has felt good. I do not think I want to lose a blessing. In fact, I do not want to lose one. It is like there is a hard core ping-pong game going on in my head. I am a basket case....some of the time. I struggle with how my husband is being treated. That is crushing me. But I keep telling him (and myself) that we need to draw our strength from the Lord and not try and do it on our own. If we try that, we will fail. God is our Rock, our Deliverer, our Source of Hope, our Everything. In Him alone will we trust.

I want to stay positive, but I fail daily at that. I get frustrated and then angry and then my patience is so low that I snap on the kids. And that is not fair. Or right. I am their mom and I need to maintain normalcy at all costs for them. They do not need to see me crying or acting out in a temper tantrum. God is good, all the time. I am being drawn closer to Greg through this. I love him, no matter what - job or no job. He is my husband - the one God chose for me. I will stand by him and be proud of him forever. He means the world to me. And the most important thing I could ever want from him is not a job, or money, or a false sense of security, but rather his complete trust in the Lord....with all his heart.

We have discussed if moving back was a mistake. The conclusion we have come to is that it was not. There have been too many ways that God has opened the doors - specific doors - for us to think that this was a mistake. God's way is perfect, even if it is not what we had in mind. Sometimes that is a hard pill to swallow. But it is absolute truth.

So, for now, we continue to wait. Greg should be having a meeting today or tomorrow. I continue to pray for changed hearts and opened eyes - knowing that larger mountains have moved (recently) and that with God all things are possible. And I rest in his everlasting promise. He is faithful, and will never leave me or forsake me. My Father loves me and knows what I need even before I need it. In fact, He knows that right now I need a hug.

I love you, Lord, and I am trusting in your perfect will. Thank you for your blessings.