Lonliness

I am lonely. Not just a little lonely, but a wicked lot of lonely. I just sat at lunch with Greg and he told me that if it made me feel any better he did not have any either. I told him that I was thinking that maybe we are here to have us become better friends - you know the whole best friend thing. Know what he did? Rolled his eyes. Uh-huh. So now he is back to work and I am sitting here feeling sorry for myself. I am in a Bible study, a small group (which I have only attended once), just went to the ladies retreat at church - I mean I should be teeming over with new friends, right? I am extending myself way beyond my natural comfort zone and yet feel as though I am getting nowhere fast. Then I thought give yourself a break - you have only been here 1 month - what can you expect? A friend. Just one. THAT is what I expect. Then I think - OK Lord - am I to really focus on my husband and kids and the reason I have no friends is that they would get in the way of focusing on my family? But then HOW do I exist as a woman (who needs female conversation and relationship) without a friend? OK - really it is not like I don't have any friends - I mean I have a great friend who calls me almost everyday and other friends I still hear from, but I am talking a real in the flesh person - HERE. As I am thinking this over I am thinking this is sort of like God - I mean my friend situation - I can talk to the ones I have but not see them - forget it, never mind. See? Needing a friend again.

Jadyn, Grant & I went for a walk this morning and were talking about the ducks and squirrels, when Jadyn's focus shifted to her constant need to eat. She was telling me she needed a "peanut jelly", which is Jadynese for a peanut butter and jelly sandwich. Then she went on to ask me what squirrels ate, to which I replied they ate nuts. She asked why don't they eat peanut jelly? I said because no one can make it for them. She came right back with - why don't the squirrel moms make it for them? Ahhh, the mind of a 3 year old. Of course, the momma squirrel with her knife and peanut butter - totally common sight.