A Mom's Revelation

Where do I start? Basketball. OK, I will start there. I am VERY emotionally tied to my children playing sports. I have no idea why, but I know I am. I usually have a sucker or 2 or 3 at every game, just to keep my mouth shut. Oh, I absolutely cheer positively, but on occasion, I have been know to "coach" from the sidelines. This is HIGHLY frowned upon. Two weeks ago, Jacob did not see the play time that I would like to see him have - the play time that, in this humble mom's opinion, he deserves. He is an excellent player, who is far from perfect for sure, but well....you get my point. So, I decided -  because I know everything, right? - that the coach didn't like him. Not sure why, but I did. Then I was (secretly) mad at the coach, because how could anyone not like my kid? I made several attempts to get close enough to him so that he could talk to me if there was a problem, but he never did. How rude. OK, my attempts were not really attempts. I just stood near him and attempted to make myself look available. He didn't bite. Fast forward to his games this past weekend, where 2 specific "ball hogs" NEVER passed to Jacob - who on 4 different occasions was WIDE open under the basket. By the time the 4th one came around, I was livid. I had to leave my seat and go stand by a wall. However, that did not stop me from yelling at those 2 "ball hogs" to pass the ball and play like a team. I was certain I would get Jacob in trouble. Like normal, after that game, the coach did not talk to me.

Monday morning I was sitting down to read my Bible, when I felt I just had to sit there and talk to God. Basically, I was totally ashamed of the way I had been behaving. Not only with basketball, but with everything in my life. I was trying to "push" my plans and ideas forward. To heck with what God had planned for me. This is what I want to see happen, so this is how I am going to proceed. Sounds like an idiot, right? Yep. That's me. Idiot #1. I was acting like a spoiled brat. Complaining about what I don't have instead of rejoicing in what I have been blessed with. (Sounds just like my kids, huh?) I just sat there and bawled at my rottenness. Yet, I knew that I was a child of God. I am His. I have no idea why He would even want me, wretched as I am. But I am His, nonetheless. It was a totally crazy time - knowing His infinite love and my infinite rottenness. Wild. So, I decided that I am done. Done trying to push my agendas. God has a plan and it is WAY better that I could come up with. So, I told Him that. I want His will for me, not mine.

Shortly after this, I got the call from the doctor telling us that Jacob had a confirmed case of pertussis (whooping cough). Finally......we had an answer. He had been coughing for, like, forever and now we at least knew why and could treat it. Because of this diagnosis, I had to call the coach and let him know so that he could let the other parents know. Shocker - he did not answer his phone. So I left a message. A short while later he called me back. We talked about him sending an email to the team and I thought that was a good idea. As we were wrapping up, he said, "can I ask you something else?" Oh great, I thought. Here it comes. He is gonna yell at me for sure. Instead, he asked me if Jacob was enjoying basketball. What?!?!?! Oh my word......I had a chance to tell him everything Jacob had just told me the night before. (Side note......I am not a confrontational person. Really I am not. I am mouthy and opinionated, but I am really good at doing that from a distance. Not real good up close and personal. That is why I could stand by the coach and let him address me, but I could not address him) So, I told him. I told him that Jacob loves playing basketball and looks forward to being there. I also told him how frustrated Jacob was with his "teammates" not passing him the ball. To my surprise, the coach totally agreed with us. (Disclaimer****The coach is not a bad person. In fact, I think he is one of the best coaches Jacob has ever had. All this stuff that you are reading, is my perception without the facts) He said he noticed that Jacob was getting frustrated and that he was planning on working through this with the team. We went on to have a very nice conversation about the team and Jacob and his abilities. It was great!

So why am I telling you all this? Here's why......in the Bible, in Luke 19:40, it says "'I tell you,' he replied, 'if they keep quiet, the stones will cry out.'" If I remain silent, the stones will definitely cry out. I am still in awe over this. God doesn't owe me anything. He does not have to do anything for me. But, He does it anyway. Now, don't go thinking He always gives us what we want. Because first of all, He is not our genie. But second, we don't really know what we want. But He knows what we need and the perfect time in which to receive it. I know that for me, just giving control back to the One who has it anyway, was what I needed. I don't want to be my own god. I want God - alone. It was so amazing to me that when I finally gave up pushing my own agenda in this basketball issue, the LORD resolved it in a way that was far beyond what I could have ever comprehended. To Him alone be praise.

Ice Skating (Hockey).....Finally!!!!

Grant has been wanting to ice skate forever - so he finally got to today. On the way to Jacob's basketball game from church, I told the kids if they behaved I would take them. As we were leaving lunch after the game, Grant asked, "Did we behave?" Why yes, yes you did. I even received compliments on how well behaved my kiddos are! Great job kids! Too bad Jacob decided to go his friend's house. Grandpa always makes it fun - the wheelchair made for some very fun rides! And a great workout for Grace. I even too a spin in the chair!

 

Player v. Parent Game

Friday night the parents played basketball against the boys team. They say they won, we say we did. Either way we all had a GREAT time!

Kids Just Hanging Out

Dundee Basketball Tournament

Didn't win, and I don't remember what place they came in, as it was too long ago. But I think not real good. Oh well - you can't win them all. Try as they might.

Who Do I Love Most?

On the heels of my last post........I was reading this morning in Matthew, chapter 10. I was very convicted by this verse:

"...anyone who loves his son or daughter more than me is not worthy of me," vs 37b

Am I worthy of the LORD? Do I love my kids more than I love the LORD? If I am totally honest, my answer would probably be yes. Now hold on....I am still trying to process and digest this. I love the LORD with all my heart. And loving Him does have outward expressions. I just think it is easier to show my outward expressions of Christ's love to my children, than it is to express them to other people. See what I am talking about?

But then......how about the quantity or quality of time spent with each one? Quantity goes, hands down, to my kids. At least that is how it looks from the inside. However, I can't do all I have to for my kiddos without the constant help from the LORD. It is He who give me the abilities and time and everything else I need to give to them.

So, this is definitely giving me something to think about. I love my kids, for sure. But, without my Heavenly Father, I would not only NOT have my kiddos, but I would also not have the ability to love and care for them the way I do.

My love for the LORD needs to surpass that of everyone else. Still feeling convicted and no less confused. But I know that I am a work in progress, and that He loves me. I also know that He knows I love Him.

Tonight as I was putting my kids to bed, I cried. Not really sure where it came from. But one thing is sure - I love those kids!!! I mean, all moms love their kids, but this is something entirely different. I feel like my heart might burst with love for them. I know I have always loved them, but as they grow and mature (even the little ones) something deep inside me grows too. What I really think it is is this - I see Jesus in their hearts. Oh, they are far from perfect, and a lot of time naughty, but there is something else. There is an honest goodness there. So, as I tucked each one in bed tonight, I told them just how special they are to me, just how much they mean to me, and that I love them more than words could ever express. This process was really not any different than any other night - except I cried. And I am proud. Proud to be their momma. Proud of who they are. Proud of who they are becoming.

I am more than blessed!

Calgon Take Me Away!!!!

Jacob threw up on Grant and his entire room (he is not a thrower-upper like Grace - who makes it to the toilet EVERY time). As I was taking Grant to the shower, he peed on my bathroom floor. While Greg was cleaning the barf (because I thankfully have a broken finger) he started dry heaving. Grace woke up with a migraine headache this morning. I am thinking it is a "Calgon" day.

I Knew I Should Have Stayed in Bed

Last Wednesday night, I was laying in bed thinking that for the next 2 days I was going to stay home and keep my kids home too. Everyone has been plagued with cough after cough, and I was just plain exhausted. But then I never did anything about it. Thursday morning rolled around and I slept in. Totally forgot about the girls who come over early on Thursday morning. I was awakened by the pounding on the door. I jumped from bed and ran down the hall. I felt myself step on the first 2 steps and then all of a sudden I was on the landing - I had fallen down the stairs. I laid there as Jacob opened the door for the girls. There mom came in and asked if I was alright or needed anything. Yeah, I did. I needed to go back to bed for the next 2 days. I came down and talked to her for a couple of minutes, and as she was getting ready to leave, she handed me a bag. When I went to grab the bag, I noticed that my hand was bleeding. I guess I was hurt a little more than I thought. Upon further assessment, I had 2 deep holes (cuts) in my right hand middle finger and major carpet burn on the left wrist. I was also hurting in my neck. But persevere I must. I went to school and while I was working a kid came up to me and asked me if I was going to the PTO meeting (I am the treasurer). I said, "Crap!", then realized I had work to do before then. After work I had to do come paperwork for Grace's teacher. Then I raced home, reconciled the PTO bank account, stopped payment on a missing check, made dinner, and packed a snack for my kids to eat while I was at the meeting. I got back in time for the meeting, and made it through the meeting without any issue. We were on our way home from the meeting when Jacob asked me if I was supposed to be watching the neighbor girl. "Crap!", I yelled, as I stepped on the gas and sped home. Never mind that it was 5:15, and Christina gets home from school at 4:40. Why did I ever get out of bed? I raced to Christina's house where I quickly picked her up, drove home, stuffed food in my kids' faces and then had to leave for volleyball. Fast-forward to Friday, nothing...nothing....work.....nothing.....nothing.....stop at Walmart to pick up subs for the next days basketball tournament. Get the subs, go home, unload everything, go to the bathroom. While sitting in the bathroom, I realized I had forgotten to pick up Jacob from basketball practice! "Crap! Everybody in the van again!" What a bunch of crap. Sometime in there I came to the realization that my fall down the stairs must have done something to my finger - the cut middle one on my right hand - you know, the one you use for everything? I am in excruciating pain and my finger is throbbing. Tomorrow morning I am going to try and get into the doctor to get it looked at. I pray he can do something. This is ridiculous. I guess the good thing about it is that Greg realizes I am handicapped and wouldn't let me go to the grocery store by myself. I was nice to have someone else doing the work.So, even though I think my finger is broken, I must go and get on the treadmill. I have 75 miles to accomplish before the end of January.

Even the Little Things

Last night, after I had just snuggled into bed, I heard the dryer going. We had one experience where the dryer ran all night, so we don't like to have it run at night. I was laying there, thinking I needed to go shut it off, but did not want to leave the comfort of my bed. So I prayed. Just a quick prayer, asking that the dryer go off soon. And just like that - the dryer buzzed. It was done! I was so thankful! I know that God is not my personal genie - and last night, as I went to sleep, I was smiling. Because, while He is not now, nor will He ever be, my servant; I knew that even the small things in my life matter to Him. And He blessed me. Everything matters to God. Things might not always be as easy and to the point as the dryer buzzer going off right at the very minute you need it to but God is faithful and He works everything out according to His perfect will. I so love that.

Grant and the DS

Jadyn and Grant were fighting over Jadyn's DS. I told Grant he was not allowed to play anymore since he was crying. A few seconds ago, Jadyn was standing by me, but I heard "Super Mario" in the background. When I called Grant over to ask why he was playing Jadyn's DS, he quickly showed me that he was playing HIS DS, but it was Jadyn's game. What a smart little whipper-snapper. How could I argue? I told him he could not play with her DS. I am in for a LOOOOOOOOOONG 14 more years.

I was just listening to my girls, who are in the shower together. There was whispering, then I heard Jadyn crying. Then Grace said "Don't worry. I won't tell." So, being the diligent mother I am, I snuck up to the bathroom and sat outside the door and listened. Grace told Jadyn they could stick a needle in it, or would she rather have mom's nails pinching it? There was more discussion of "popping it" and more crying, so i decided to stick my head into the shower. Grace was holding Jadyn, who was crying, deathly afraid that the "boo boo" on her stomach was a pimple and it needed to be popped. I reassured Jadyn that, even if it was a pimple, we would NOT pop it. We would just put medicine on it. Then I left. But not before I heard Grace whisper to Jadyn, "See? I told you it wouldn't be that bad." Now, as I type this Grant is standing outside the bathroom, screaming, "Grace!!! What is your passcode? (to her ipod)" Now he is standing by me asking me if I know it. Of course I do. I am the Mom. Jacob is downstairs, singing, as he is kicking Greg's butt in some game on xbox. I LOVE MY KIDS SO MUCH!!!!!!!!

There is so much I have to talk about. I guess around this time of year, I always get backed up with trying to print this book out. Oh well. 

Jacob went up north last weekend with his friend Noah. It was his first time really being away from home (without family). We ended up getting a third cell phone, so that I would be able to get ahold of him whenever I wanted. (Which I later told Greg was a mistake, but he encouraged me that we would definitely be using it) Jacob had a great time, but what is even more important in this story is the reputation he set for himself, and for our family. I have never been prouder than I am right now of him. His friend's mom gave him glowing remarks.  Here is one of them posted on FB:

Sue Fitzpatrick That was just an act, tell that kid you are going to take his picture and he turns into such a ham . Michelle , I sure hope my kids are as good with someone else as he his. What a delight.

This was posted after she sent me a picture of Jacob after he had just eaten a HUGE pancake. Here is the picture.

She also told me about how well he and Noah got along - like angels, is what she said. Then when Noah and his brother had to go stack wood, Jacob got up and went right out with them and got to work. Granted, this boy is not always like this, but I was more than pleased to see that when he was out in public, he was on his best behavior. Next step, doing this kind of stuff at home! But SO VERY PROUD of you Jacob!!!!!

And just to get myself caught up...... we have pictures from our day of sledding at Farms. Super fun....even though putting the videos here would be much more fun. It's just not gonna happen. Then we have Grace post-birthday party fun. She went to a party where they did hair, nails and make-up. She looked so grown up that day. She also wanted to keep her hair like it was for church the next day, so we wrapped her head in toilet paper (because Grandma said that her mom used to do that). It did a pretty good job of keeping the hair in place. It just needed some fluffing. Then we have the kids being pulled in a boat behind the rhino. It was an excellent sled option put together by Grandpa. The last one is Jadyn and Grant on the pig at the meat place. Jadyn said, "Mom, take out picture and put it on Facebook." I guess they are learning the way of technology much earlier these days.