Worry IS a Sin

I've been battling again. With what, you ask? Worry. Plain, old, unadulterated, sinful worry. Honestly, as soon as one thing is put to rest, I start in on another thing. Now since Greg's job situation seems settled, I have moved onto worrying about my parents. When my mom goes out of town and leaves my dad home alone, I worry about him. I have no idea why and really need to be in counseling to figure out what my problem is, but it is there. So, I have been praying for this and praying for my dad (for a "red sea" miracle - or something similar). And PRAISE GOD, my prayers were answered yesterday. Know what it the bad part about that? As soon as I heard, then I was concerned (OK - worried) that the answer came in the wrong way. Oh my goodness. Who am I to think I know better than God? Seriously. I have to pray that away too, asking God to forgive my arrogance and help me to be happy with the answer, no matter how it came. Yesterday, my kids were with my dad for a good portion of the day - at least the little ones. Valentine's Day kept me very busy at the school. But only 1 hour after leaving my dad, I got a phone call. The caller ID said it came from Boss Engineering. I answered and this was the conversation:
Me: Hello?
Caller: (pause) Michelle? [my heart has now stopped beating because I am worried about my dad]
Me: Yes....
Caller: (pause) This is Mike. (pause, pause, pause)[now I am not even breathing]
Me: OK.....
Caller: (pause, pause)I have a dress from Becky...... [finally I can breathe]
You see, as always, I was worried from the instant I saw Boss Engineering on the caller ID, that there was a problem with my dad - who I had JUST left. When Mike came over to bring me the dress, I told him how this conversation freaked me out. He asked me if this was how I live my entire life. I quickly told him that I was really only this bad when my dad was alone. But what I see here, is a whole lot of sin. Worry is a sin. And in my case, a BIG ONE. Something I battle with daily. I have to rest in the fact that while I do not know the future, I know who does and that is enough. Worrying about it will only hurt me in the end. And, worse yet, it is telling God I do not trust His plan. And I have every reason in the world to trust His perfect plan. He has taken me through so much and shown me He is always there, I have no reason not to trust.

Another answer to prayer yesterday. Maybe not a prayer I have recently been praying, but certainly a prayer that I have prayed. I received a phone call from an old friend yesterday. Now, she is not old in age (although she IS older than me), but old in length of time known. What is interesting about our friendship is that when we first met, it was instant "sisterhood". In fact, there were 4 of us that instantly clicked. But after only 1 year, the group was disbanded. I left work because I had Jacob, she left and moved to Las Vegas, another left for another company and one is still there holding down the fort. Anyway, the fierceness of our friendship meant that we would always be friends - even is we rarely talk or see each other (which, sadly, is the case). In the course of our conversation, and through tears, she told me that my friendship and the type of friend I was, made a serious impact on who she is today. Wow! Those are some really amazing words. Sometimes I wonder if I ever have any impact on anyone. It was so encouraging to hear that maybe I do. In fact, I could ride on the high of that for months. Thank You Lord, for Heidi and her friendship! Thank You for blessing me with amazing friends.

As I was reading the ODB this morning, I came across this Scripture:
When you walk through the fire, you shall not be burned. Isaiah 43:2
Then the commentary contained this quote:
"But we do know this: God's purpose for the flames is to purify us, not to destroy us."
This really resonated with me for a couple of reasons. First, I was thinking about the worry this from above. If everything was exactly as I preferred it to be, then my NEED for God would most likely not be a need. I, for one, do not want to live that way. I also do not want to live in the fire" either. But I am learning to, as Paul put it: Consider it pure joy, my brothers and sisters, whenever you face trials of many kinds, because you know that the testing of your faith produces perseverance. James 1:2-3 I am not saying that I want to live in a constant state of trial, but I do realize and appreciate that the trials keep me where I belong - on my knees in prayer to my Almighty Heavenly Father.
Second, in the midst of everyone around me having financial woes, I received a another phone call from a newer friend (my neighbor's mom - interesting) and she was telling me what was going on with her and her husband, and she was telling me that he was very angry at God for all the "punishment" He is inflicting on the husband's family. The comment above really made me think of this guy. God is not trying to destroy him or his family. He is trying to draw them to Himself - where they can find rest, peace and most importantly, salvation. Nothing this world has to offer can save them. If they continue to trust in the world with all their heart, they are on a fast-sinking ship with no life jacket. If your world is spinning out of control, reach out to the one who with His voice can calm the raging sea and fiercest winds. Only He can satisfy. Only He can save you. Cry out to Him.
Ok, there is a third, too. I was thinking about the "troubles" the people around me are having. And what came to my mind was.....maybe God is using this troubles (that I am trying to worry away) to draw these people to Him. What in the heck do I want to be in the way of that for? Just like I was saying yesterday....maybe I need to be struck mute (like Zechariah - for a time) to learn to mind my own business and keep my mouth shut. I know this makes no sense here, but I think I just needed to get it out. I think I talk way too much. Not like gossip or anything, just too much. Basically, to know me, is to KNOW me. I don't really think I have any secrets. Maybe I need to keep a few. Maybe.

On a lighter note....last night Greg was taking a bath and GRant came up to me and asked if he could take a bath too. He was going to but not at the exact minute that he wanted to - Greg was resting. So GRant kept asking me and I kept deferring him. Finally he came up to me and said, "I be your best friend let me take bath". How precious is he? Seriously, he has been using this "best friend" thing a lot lately. If he wants something and I tell him no, he always plays the best friend card. I almost want to give in, but I don't. Oh, don't worry, the kid got his bath.

As dinner was ending last night, a phone call came in (man, it sounds like the phone never stops, doesn't it?).
Me: Hello?
Caller: Mrs. Pawlak?
Me: Yes?
Caller: This is TRacey Sahouri.
Me: (thinking uh-oh, she is the kid's principal) Hello.
Caller: I need to talk to you about what happened with Grace today. (She just blew it)
Me: OK.
And on the call went. But if she had said she needed to talk to me about JAcob, she may have been able to carry it on further, but I knew she had nothing on Grace. How could she? She was actually calling to invite Grace to a suprise birthday party for her son. After talking to her about it, I went back out in the kitchen and said that the principal called about Grace and it was a secret. GRace was concerned and wanted to know what it was about. I told her we needed to go into the bedroom to talk in private. Greg promptly piped up, and said he needed to know first. So I whispered it to him and then started to head to the bedroom with GRace. Then Greg said, wait and help me clean the kitchen. Oh yeah, sure. He knew what it was, but Grace was dying to know (most likely worrying) and he wanted me to clean the kitchen. I graciously declined and Grace and I headed to the bedroom. I locked the door and started to ask her what happened at school. She kept saying she had no idea. Then she asked if she was in trouble. Like the mean mom I am, I told her yes. She started to tear up (she was trying to stay strong) when all of a sudden Jacob started moving around from the opposite side of the bed - where he was hiding. I mean, he wanted to hear too. I made him get out, then quickly told Grace the truth. Poor kid. I didn't want to make her cry, but with the principal making me squirm, well....I wanted to share. She was very happy to hear the truth. And I made sure she knew that I never once thought she would be in trouble and told her how proud I am of her. She is a sweet kid.

As I was checking on the kids before I went to bed last night, I noticed something weird in bed with the girls. Some kids sleep with teddy bears or stuffed animals. SOme kids sleep with blankets. Not my Jadyn - she sleeps with her rubbermaid container lid. Weird.