Sexual Sin

Sexual sin is WAY more than just sex. But you may already know that. We had an incident this weekend that drove this home with me. We were at a wedding and, without any drinking on our part, on the dance floor some girl came up and "freaked" on Greg. While he thought it was funny, I did not. Neither did my cousins who saw it or my aunt who immediately came up to me and said something. But that part, while important, does not matter here. What matters is that I was immediately hurt. Badly. I did not let on because if Greg would have received all I had, it would not have been pretty. Did he do anything wrong? Depends on who you ask? But the answer is yes. And it is not in what he did, but rather in what he did not do. Instead of "going with it", he should have immediately backed up, at the least. Anyway, here is what I am driving at. Never in all our married life have I worried about Greg being faithful to me. Never, until now. And even that...is not it entirely. Do I think he is going to go out and cheat on me? No. But what I can't get out of my mind is the picture of what happened. And the fact that he did not get away or attempt to stop it. It made me feel as though I was not important enough, or special enough for him to realize that what was happening was inappropriate, not to mention damaging to me. Am I jealous? This is part of what I have been struggling with. Maybe. But when I think about it, shouldn't I be jealous for my husband? Jealous, like God is jealous for my love? Didn't He create us for each other - only? So then I read my DBV and it talked of Saul's jealousy of David, being driven by his own insecurity. Maybe this is what this incident triggered in me. Jealousy driven by my own insecurity. I was not insecure in my marriage until this......but then Greg reminded me that over the course of the last month or so, I have been having dreams about Greg and I divorcing. Maybe, just maybe, the devil is trying to trip me up here. Using me as a weapon against myself. This is entirely possible. So back to the main issue....do I think Greg was wrong? Absolutely. Can I hold it against him? Yes. Should I? Definitely not. If I do not forgive him, how can I expect my Heavenly Father to forgive me? But I will tell you this. I need to be made up to. I need to feel that I am the most special woman in the world. I need Greg to show me his love. Know what is weird? I told him this morning that words don't mean anything. Actions speak louder than words. What I forgot to add was.....unless you are "words of affirmation" person, like I am. I guess in this situation I need both. My heart is broken and the truth of the matter is that the ONLY one who can fix it is God alone. Greg is a fallen man. Did he sin? Technically, no. But he did sin against me. Oh, Lord, help me. I do not want to dwell on this. I do not want the picture in my head. Only You can fix what is broken here. Please come and fix it.