Musings

Holy cow!

So much going on. Just heard tonight that our old (not in age, but as in past) pastor is moving to TX. Keep thinking about an old acquaintance who is getting divorced. Thinking we are not in the right church. Trying to keep CHRIST in CHRISTmas. Wallowing in some self-pity, trying to claw my way out. Wow. That's about all I can say. Wow.

Today's ODB was entitled "Significant Surrender" and talked about the complete surrendering of her life that Mary did in submitting to God's will and plan for her life. The key verse was from 1 Peter 5:6, and said:

Humble yourselves under the mighty hand of God, that He may exalt you in due time.

Despite that our circumstances could not be any more different, I could really identify with that key verse. I am (certainly in my own mind) being humbled - yet again. I want a house. I know that sounds selfish and childish, which is really why I am writing it here. All I have been thinking about for the last couple of weeks has been getting our own house. We started looking at houses, then realized that we were putting the cart before the horse. Why were we looking for a house that we were not even sure we could be financed for? So we set the wheels in motion for a pre-approval. As we waited, I was very impatient. I wanted a house! Now. So as I prayed I found myself making a deal with God. I will wait for the approval and while I wait I will not look at another house. If we can get approval than that will be my sign to move ahead, and if not, well.....we weren't really going to consider that option. Well, we got the phone call and they told us not for 3 years from the date of the sale of our house. 3 YEARS????? Are you kidding me? Greg wants to check with VA and smaller banks, but I suspect the answer will be the same. God is the One Who is in control - not the banks (despite what they may think). So, that leaves us with another 2 years as renters. [Let me interject something here. I have no "issue" with being a renter. In fact, in some ways it has made our life easier. I think I am caught up in the facade of the American Dream of owning your own home. The other thing I think about is what if the people who own the house don't want us here anymore? Then what? Well - then God. Just like how we found this place. God is so much more powerful than I give Him credit for. He knows what I need way before I need it. Psalm 37:25 says I have never seen the righteous forsaken or their children begging bread. Really - what do I have to be concerned about?] 2 years is nothing, but 2 years is forever. Depends on how you look at it. My choice is this - Isaiah 40:31,

but those who hope in the LORD will renew their strength. They will soar on wings like eagles; they will run and not grow weary, they will walk and not be faint.

Teach me Lord, teach me Lord, to wait (as the song goes). I will wait on God's time because as mentioned in the verse at the top, God Himself will exalt me in due time, if AND ONLY if I am humbled under His mighty hand. BTW - by exalting me I do not mean what it sounds. I mean that I will be exalted to whatever His perfect plan for me is. I guess it goes back again to Proverbs 16:9,

In his heart a man plans his course, but the Lord determines his steps.

Five days earlier (and probably coinciding with the day of the above-mentioned prayer) in ODB the devotion was titled "A Submission Problem". Can you say Michelle? Here was the key verse, found in James 4:10.

Humble yourselves in the sight of the Lord, and He will lift you up.

Then it talked of submission meaning "an act of yielding to the authority or control of another". What is controlling me? What am I allowing myself to be controlled by? If the answer is anything other than God alone, then there is a problem. Well, I have been obsessing (probably too loose of a term) over having my own home. Therefore, God being the loving Father He is, has removed from my mind the object of my obsession. Oh, for sure, I still want my own house, but I know that obsessing is pointless (not only for the moment but forever). Notice that every time I have spoken of it I have called it a "house" and not a "home" - that is because I do know that I already have a home. Not only a heavenly home, but also an earthly home. I have been blessed way beyond what I could ever deserve (can you say grace?) and have more than I could ever need. My Father knows that my focus was on something of earthly value, instead of nurturing my "home". I think of the verse in Proverbs 14:1,

The wise woman builds her house, but with her own hands the foolish one tears hers down.

What am I focusing on? Where is all my attention? Am I (even unknowingly) tearing down my own "home" by focusing on an earthly "house"? Maybe. But I can't do that anymore - Praise God alone! When He moves me, I will move. Until then I will carry on, praising Him as I go. I am here for a reason. Here for a purpose. God alone knows what that is. But I will trust in Him, knowing He will see me through.