A Mom's Revelation

Where do I start? Basketball. OK, I will start there. I am VERY emotionally tied to my children playing sports. I have no idea why, but I know I am. I usually have a sucker or 2 or 3 at every game, just to keep my mouth shut. Oh, I absolutely cheer positively, but on occasion, I have been know to "coach" from the sidelines. This is HIGHLY frowned upon. Two weeks ago, Jacob did not see the play time that I would like to see him have - the play time that, in this humble mom's opinion, he deserves. He is an excellent player, who is far from perfect for sure, but well....you get my point. So, I decided -  because I know everything, right? - that the coach didn't like him. Not sure why, but I did. Then I was (secretly) mad at the coach, because how could anyone not like my kid? I made several attempts to get close enough to him so that he could talk to me if there was a problem, but he never did. How rude. OK, my attempts were not really attempts. I just stood near him and attempted to make myself look available. He didn't bite. Fast forward to his games this past weekend, where 2 specific "ball hogs" NEVER passed to Jacob - who on 4 different occasions was WIDE open under the basket. By the time the 4th one came around, I was livid. I had to leave my seat and go stand by a wall. However, that did not stop me from yelling at those 2 "ball hogs" to pass the ball and play like a team. I was certain I would get Jacob in trouble. Like normal, after that game, the coach did not talk to me.

Monday morning I was sitting down to read my Bible, when I felt I just had to sit there and talk to God. Basically, I was totally ashamed of the way I had been behaving. Not only with basketball, but with everything in my life. I was trying to "push" my plans and ideas forward. To heck with what God had planned for me. This is what I want to see happen, so this is how I am going to proceed. Sounds like an idiot, right? Yep. That's me. Idiot #1. I was acting like a spoiled brat. Complaining about what I don't have instead of rejoicing in what I have been blessed with. (Sounds just like my kids, huh?) I just sat there and bawled at my rottenness. Yet, I knew that I was a child of God. I am His. I have no idea why He would even want me, wretched as I am. But I am His, nonetheless. It was a totally crazy time - knowing His infinite love and my infinite rottenness. Wild. So, I decided that I am done. Done trying to push my agendas. God has a plan and it is WAY better that I could come up with. So, I told Him that. I want His will for me, not mine.

Shortly after this, I got the call from the doctor telling us that Jacob had a confirmed case of pertussis (whooping cough). Finally......we had an answer. He had been coughing for, like, forever and now we at least knew why and could treat it. Because of this diagnosis, I had to call the coach and let him know so that he could let the other parents know. Shocker - he did not answer his phone. So I left a message. A short while later he called me back. We talked about him sending an email to the team and I thought that was a good idea. As we were wrapping up, he said, "can I ask you something else?" Oh great, I thought. Here it comes. He is gonna yell at me for sure. Instead, he asked me if Jacob was enjoying basketball. What?!?!?! Oh my word......I had a chance to tell him everything Jacob had just told me the night before. (Side note......I am not a confrontational person. Really I am not. I am mouthy and opinionated, but I am really good at doing that from a distance. Not real good up close and personal. That is why I could stand by the coach and let him address me, but I could not address him) So, I told him. I told him that Jacob loves playing basketball and looks forward to being there. I also told him how frustrated Jacob was with his "teammates" not passing him the ball. To my surprise, the coach totally agreed with us. (Disclaimer****The coach is not a bad person. In fact, I think he is one of the best coaches Jacob has ever had. All this stuff that you are reading, is my perception without the facts) He said he noticed that Jacob was getting frustrated and that he was planning on working through this with the team. We went on to have a very nice conversation about the team and Jacob and his abilities. It was great!

So why am I telling you all this? Here's why......in the Bible, in Luke 19:40, it says "'I tell you,' he replied, 'if they keep quiet, the stones will cry out.'" If I remain silent, the stones will definitely cry out. I am still in awe over this. God doesn't owe me anything. He does not have to do anything for me. But, He does it anyway. Now, don't go thinking He always gives us what we want. Because first of all, He is not our genie. But second, we don't really know what we want. But He knows what we need and the perfect time in which to receive it. I know that for me, just giving control back to the One who has it anyway, was what I needed. I don't want to be my own god. I want God - alone. It was so amazing to me that when I finally gave up pushing my own agenda in this basketball issue, the LORD resolved it in a way that was far beyond what I could have ever comprehended. To Him alone be praise.